June 28, 2009

i need to do something...

So I have this friend. Her name is Erin. She is wonderful. She got married a little over a year ago and just moved down to Texas to start a summer camp. I love her very much. And I really want her to have a baby...


Anyway, Erin and I were talking not long ago. We hadn't talked in a while so it was GREAT to get to catch up with her! We were talking about life and how I feel like I really need to DO something...something that matters. I don't know exactly what it is. For a while, I wanted to go to Africa. I'm not really sure about that one anymore. I thought maybe I wanted to go work at E's camp. That one's still a possibility. But maybe I'd like to just work at Uplift at school next summer. I've been looking at everyone's pictures from Uplift. I think I could do that. I need to feel like I have a purpose. I need to feel like I'm here for a reason. I want to be a part of something bigger. But I just don't know what to do. What's realistic? I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to be something huge. I think working at VBS counts. I'll be doing that in July. I'm going to have to work on this a little bit. It's like that song by Lady Antebellum...I Was Here. Have you heard it? It's a really good one.

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This morning at 8:00, I had my very first workout session with my new best friend Bob. Bob kind of kicked my butt. It was great. Tomorrow morning at 9:30, I'll be heading back over to Lifetime to run with Bob. We'll see how that goes. I am so NOT a runner, but I have to get into shape!! Bob is a running machine. Hopefully he can help me learn to love to run. I'm a little skeptical...

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This afternoon, Mom and I are going to look at paint colors for "my" new room. This room, by the way, is not mine. Mom told me I could do whatever I wanted to and then picked out all of my bed linens for me. I guess it's fine. I mean, I'm not going to be in this room very long. I'll only be here until August and then home twice a semester until next summer. A white comforter is just fine. I kind of just want her to pick the paint color on her own. I don't really care that much.

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It's official! All 23 of us are back in America! The last few free travelers came home yesterday. I haven't talked to them since they've been home, but I am certainly hoping that their flights home were less eventful than mine was! Being delayed in a London airport for five hours was not my idea of a fun way to spend my last day in my new favorite city in the world. I miss everyone. It's such a weird feeling because I was with all of them all day every day for a month and now I really don't even talk to them. But here we (almost) all are at the top of the Wallace Monument in Stirling! We climbed 246 stairs for this picture.




June 8, 2009

Jesus lives in scotland

We had a four hour drive today from York to Scotland. I slept for a while and woke up when we crossed the border. I had my iPod in and just watched out the window as we drove through the incredibly green country. I was overwhelmed. The beauty and simplicity of the landscape was beyond words. I couldn't stop thinking about what Angie Smith (yeah, I read her blog a lot) said when she was in Ireland. As she admired the incredibly vibrant green of the land, she heard God speak. "It takes a lot of rain to make grass this green." Those words were so significant to her as she went through what she did with Audrey and, when I read them the first time, I realized how significant they are for me, too. There has been a lot of rain in my life. More than I would have liked there to have been. I looked out the window today and the greenest green I have ever seen and was reminded of those words. I was struck with this thought, an epiphany maybe, clarity for sure. I am so burdened by this sin. It hurts me and it haunts me and I can't stop thinking about it and dwelling on it, but the God of this universe has already forgiven it. It has no power over me. He isn't holding it over my head. He didn't think twice about it. When I asked Him for forgiveness, He gave it. No question. And if He can forgive me for it, why am I still GIVING it power? Seriously. I don't know why it hit me at that moment, on that loud, crazy bus, but I am so grateful that it did. And then Beautiful Lord came on and I lost it. Cried. On the bus. Oh it just felt so good to be able to cry and pray and thank Him for reminding me that the power that this sin is holding over me is power that I am giving it. I think He might be sad that I am still hurting. I think He might be disappointed that I'm still dwelling on it. But I know that He is there. He's been there all along, hasn't He? Scotland, I love you for so many reasons. You are beautiful and peaceful and incredible. And you brought me back to the One who's been waiting for too long.

When the storm is raging all around me
You are the peace that calms
My troubled sea
And the cares of this world
Darken my day
You are the light that shines
And shows me the way


Oh, the beauty of Your majesty
On the cross You showed Your love for me!

Beautiful Lord
Awesome and mighty
I’m captured by this love I see
Beautiful Lord
Tender and holy
Your mercy brings me to my knees
It’s Your mercy that has made me free

Beautiful Lord

When my sin is all that I can see
Your grace remains the shelter that I seek
And when my weakness is all I can give
Your gentle Spirit gives me strength again
And oh, the beauty of Your majesty
On the cross You showed Your love for me


Beautiful Lord
Awesome and mighty
I’m captured by this love I see
Beautiful Lord
Tender and holy
Your mercy brings me to my knees
It’s Your mercy that has made me free
Beautiful Lord

And I am lifted by Your love to sing!
It’s Your mercy that has made me free!
And I am lifted by Your love to sing!
It’s Your mercy that has made me free!

Oh, the beauty of Your majesty
On the cross You showed Your love for me!

Beautiful Lord
Awesome and mighty
I’m captured by this love I see
Beautiful Lord
Tender and holy
Your mercy brings me to my knees
It’s Your mercy that has made me free
Beautiful Lord

You’re beautiful, my Lord
You’re beautiful, my Lord