update

I've started five posts in the past few weeks. I don't know how to finish any of them, so I'm going to leave them for a while. I'll figure it out eventually.

I'm doing this new thing. It's called loving life. I'm really a fan. God has totally blessed me. It's been really amazing for me to experience. He has opened my eyes to friends and opportunities. I recently hit #400 in my gratitude journal, which has been an awesome experience in and of itself. I think laughter in some form is in there at least 6 times. It's been a long time since I've laughed enough to be thankful for it.

I just can't believe the ways that God has been answering my prayers. First, he brought me friends. Lots of them. Friends that love me and hug me and call me. A very best friend. We say that we're the same person about 30 times a day, and it's pretty much true.

He has brought me rest and peace and joy. And I have seen prayers answered more than I have in years.

I feel like things have changed completely since the beginning of the semester. I was lonely and anxious and had rules for everything. I can eat in the caf now. I still have some anxiety about eating in front of boys, but God has removed the bulk of the anxiety. None of the "rules" still apply. And now God has shown me that he is capable of anything.

Almost exactly two months ago, I wrote a post called "lonely". I can honestly say that everything that I wrote in that post has changed. I will remember this semester for the laughter and the friendship and the irony. For things like "yuh-ee", "isgusting" and "NAD". For the boys that I'm never allowed to talk to again and the girls that I couldn't imagine my life without. For the "ice" skating on the front lawn, greek salads and tacky sweaters. Pledge week, Berryhill Park and Christmas cards. And really, the list goes on and on. Things from my past have come back bite me in the rear. Mistakes have been made again. But there's a difference. This time, there's redemption and hope and forgiveness where before there was only hurt and regret and reprimands. My God is so good.

The Lord your God is with you, He is MIGHTY to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

-Zephaniah 3:17