Adventures at Harding

i'm a fixer
by nature. i like
to fix things. i like
to be able to fix
things. not really things.
situations.

i'm in dallas
right now. and i
want to be able to fix
everything.

i also want
God
to send me some sort of sign
...
like maybe a letter
or something
...
letting me know where i
need to be in school in
august
(which is in less than a
month
...
not that i'm keeping track
or anything...).
searcy?
fort worth?
chicago?
i
just
don't
know.

and so i sit.
in a
situation
that is unfixable by me
and uncertain.
i am
heartbroken
and
confused.
i don't like
living in uncertainty.
it scares me.

so i could stay
here.
in dallas.
i could work
for my
aunt and play with
my baby.

or i could
go
back to searcy,
which is equally stressful and
scary and
overwhelming.

or i could
stay
in chicago with
my beautiful small group
and the support
of the teachers and students at
school.

they're all scary and
exciting
and they all sound
great. i want
to make all of
them work because they're
all so perfect in their own way.......
but i don't think any are
perfect
on their own.

so do i stay here?
or go back?
or stay there?

i
just
don't
know.