finding my feet

well, i'm running again. i hesitate to even start this post because every time i say that i'm doing something, i generally stop. but i've already registered and paid for the st. jude half marathon, so i think i'm really going to do it this time. let's make it official...

I, Katie Vick, will be running in the St. Jude Half Marathon on December 3, 2011.

and what the heck am i thinking?! i struggled through my four-mile run last week (the longest run to date). what makes me think that i can run 13.1 miles?!?!?!

i keep accidentally taking days off from training...like yesterday. i think i should be running 5-6 days a week. but i don't. and after i take a day off, my run is much more difficult. you would think that i would have learned by now. but i have not.

running is killing me. most days after my run, i ice my knees, put heat on my calves, slather my poor chaffed legs in vasoline and peel the (unfortunate, poorly working) bandaids off my aching feet. and hobble around for the rest of the day. but i feel SO GOOD. seriously. i didn't believe it could be true until i experienced it myself. running makes me feel great! and in the 3 (or maybe 4) weeks that i've been running, my calves have transformed from flabby annoyances at the bottom of my leg to muscular powerhouses. it's amazing.

i have been hungrier since i started running than i have ever been in my life. it's pathetic, really, because i'm not even running very far/fast/long/well, but i want to eat every second.

and i really feel like a real runner, too. i have a basket in the hall closet with my shoes, headphones, arm band, water bottle, body glide and various tapes/moleskins for my feet. i bought compression shorts and new shoes. i'm buying running socks. WHO AM I TURNING INTO?!?!

i decided to run this half after a blogger that I have followed for a while, Raechel, blogged about her decision to participate. she even invited readers to join her! so i thought to myself, self, you've been wanting to run. you've even been wanting to run a half marathon. if you're ever going to do it, you may as well do it now. you have friends that participate in this race. it will be fun. just do it. and so i did. i did it. i registered. and i've been running. and i'm about to go for a run right now. i have lots of really fun pictures for you, but those will have to wait....

because i have a half marathon to train for.

my newest home

if i gave you a TRILLION guesses, you still probably would not guess where i am going to be living this coming school year. before i share, let me remind you of a few things...

1) I am 21 years old.

2) I am in college.

3) I attend a university that requires students to live on campus until they are 23 years old or have completed approximately 19,000 credit hours (that might be a slight exaggeration).

this coming year, there will be more students enrolled than they have room for in the on campus living options. so they sent us an e-mail stating that for a limited time only, you could apply/request/beg/bribe to live off campus if you were at least 21 years old. HELLO?! so the entire student body was in a frenzy. it was a frantic day and a half (or so) before they send another e-mail. the offer is no longer on the table. no one was surprised.

HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they had another option. they needed approximately 24 girls to be willing to move into....

wait for it..........

wait for it..........

HARDING PLACE!!!!!!

now, for those of you not familiar with the harding community, you may be slightly confused. allow me to explain. just off of harding's campus sits a lovely assisted living community. like...retirement home. like...for the elderly.

I LOVE OLD PEOPLE! when i was little and my mom would lose track of me somewhere (before losing sight of a child for .3 seconds warranted a 911 call), she would always find me chatting up an old man (always called Poppy).

listen, you may be judging me right now, and i probably don't blame you for that, but i am SO EXCITED about this. i seriously cannot wait. i'll be living in a one bedroom apartment with one of my sweet friends. and right next door to harding place sits harding village (apartments). many of my married friends LIVE RIGHT THERE! so close to me. so great!!

so there you have it. one month from now, i will be settling into my new home at the assisted living community.

(my mom is getting tired of this already. every time we see an older person ANYWHERE i tell her that they are going to be my neighbor. she loves it...or at least she did the first 500 times it happened. now? not so much)

(p.s. this is not a joke. i really am going to live in an assisted living community. forreal. i promise)

my car

my car got broken into on thursday night. they took most of the money that i have made this summer (it was meant to go to the bank but i didn't get a chance that day), my gps and my phone charger. i keep thinking about all of the things that i could have done differently so that there would have been a different outcome. but i didn't. and those things are gone. i feel violated and sad and frustrated. that money was supposed to pay for my two precious compassion kids for this year. and it was supposed to be the beginning of my savings for africa. and now i have to start over. since it happened, every time i sit in my car i feel nauseous. someone else has been in there. someone that i don't know. and they touched my things. and they took them. i work hard for my money. and yeah, i should not have waited that long to deposit the money in the bank. and yeah, i should not have left it in the center console overnight. but i am so anal about locking my car. and i was feeling so sick when i got home that night. i never even thought about it. it really really sucks. and i hope that whoever did it really needed that money.

i just want to go

i suddenly feel a sense of urgency about africa. and something tells me that i will not be content with my life here until i have done something about it. my eyes ache tonight from the tears that cannot fall for those around the world who do not have a home. and more importantly than even that, my heart hurts for those who do not know our Savior.

i am hurting because i know that it is not yet my time to go. and it is so hard for me to live in a place of waiting. i'm impatient. i know that there is a need and i want to do something about it. i'm frustrated. and i'm sad. because i want to be there. not here.

at this time in my life, i am having to focus a lot on myself and my future and, as often comes with that kind of internal focus, my past. it's exhausting. and i think that because of this intense, exhausting focus on myself, i feel like i NEED to be a part of something bigger than myself. and i wonder how that need fits in with this desire to be in africa.

i talk with my mom about it sometimes. she tells me that i've wanted to go to africa since i was 5. a few years ago, i was terrified that God might be preparing me to live abroad in a place of need. i wanted to graduate from college and teach sweet american children in an american school in my safe american home. not anymore. what i want more than anything is to get on an airplane with as few belongings as possible and get off in a place like uganda or ethiopia or burkina faso (where one of my precious, adored, wonderful compassion children lives) and figure it out when i get there. find a school. teach the children. visit their homes. go to church with them. and i know that this change of heart has had nothing to do with me.

so here i am. i know that i will go. i do not yet know how. or when. but i know that i will. and yesterday, i read in three places about how beautiful and difficult the waiting can be. that was from Him. i have no doubt. one post from holley, one post from ann, and one post from sweet chelsea.

i think that i'm doing all that i can from where i am. i'm having to change the way that i spend my money because each month, $76 are taken from my bank account in an attempt to change the lives of my two compassion children. i think about laeticia and taweesak in their homes in burkina faso and thailand and want to cry. my heart aches for them. they will never know how much i love them. and if i had more money, i would sponsor more in a heartbeat.

i think that the waiting will prove to be harder than the going. and that's okay. i know that there will be beauty in the waiting and that love will grow in the longing so that by the time it is time for me to go, i will be even more ready than i am tonight.

Hinds Feet on High Places

A long time ago, Erin let me borrow a book. It was about God and, at the time, I wanted nothing to do with the church at all. I read a few pages of the book and gave it back.

Over spring break, I visited Erin and Blair at Camp Eagle. While I was there, I started reading the book again. I really liked it a lot. It took me several pages to catch on to the writing, but once I did, I fell in love. I didn't get to finish it. When I got home, I went to Borders (which is going out of business and having MAJOR sales) to buy the book. I'm still reading it. I keep getting kind of discouraged. But let me tell you, this book is changing my life.

Here is my favorite quote from the book:

"'Much Afraid,' he said very gently in answer to that look, 'don't you know by now that I never think of you as you are now but as you will be when I have brought you to the Kingdom of Love and washed you from all the stains and defilements from this journey? If I come along behind you and notice that you are finding the way especially difficult, and are suffering from slips and falls, it only makes me think of what you will be like when you are with me, leaping and skipping on the High Places.'" -Hannah Hurnard, Hinds Feet on High Places (page 151)

Is that really how God looks at me? It seems so incredible, but I want to believe it! He is so awesome and mighty and loving. Whenever I get discouraged or make a mistake or slip up in my journey, I look back at this passage to remind myself how He sees me.

ETA: I finally finished the book and I can't wait to start it over. It's one of those, you know? The first time, I didn't annotate. This time I will. And I want to write down all of the beautiful things that the Shepherd says to Much Afraid throughout the book in my journal. Because it is so amazing. And that is all :)

Summer

You fill my days
with laughter
and sunshine
and so I love
you.
I love the
smell
of you,
the sunscreen and
chlorine and
coconut that fills the
air from late
May until August.
Our days
together
begin early. My
alarm
goes off too
soon. But
looking forward to a day full
of sun and the kids
and pool
makes getting up
much more manageable.
And summer?
You are bittersweet this
year.
This is the last time
we’ll meet
before I have to find a real
grown-up
job. I don’t want to
be a grown up, Summer.
I want to enjoy
you like this
forever.
But maybe I’ll find
that I like
you better
next year.

dance

i used to dance. did you know that? i danced from the time i was in third grade until i graduated from high school, with several breaks for various reasons. i was never good. and i'm not just saying that. i really was not ever good. i'm not light enough on my feet for the leaps and pirouettes, but my mind works in a way that's conducive to remembering combinations and the way my feet should move. still now, years after i've stopped dancing, my mind repeats the rhythms and combinations whenever i'm listening to music. it's not a conscious thing. but as i listen to music, i notice my toes moving. and then i hear it in my head. tombe, pas de bourree, glissade, jete, glissade, jete, sous sous, sote, tombe, pas de bourree. and i can remember the rhythm for every dance we ever learned. and they fit with every song i ever listen to. i see dances in my head when i listen to music. and i really really miss dancing. when i go home, i try to go see my old dance teachers. over christmas, i did a private lesson with one of them. and for 45 minutes, we laughed and danced and there was joy. i guess i still kind of dance.